Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
