So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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