No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
