Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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