The best revenge is premature balding
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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