so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
