if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
