Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
