I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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