He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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