ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Randomize
