piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
