So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
