you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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