I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
tell me about the fingering
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
