I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
