The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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