Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Say something about gay babies.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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