if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
