I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
