so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
