Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
