So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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