and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
please come you make the beer taste better
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
