Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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