I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Boobs are out for the taking
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
