I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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