Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
