After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
