Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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