Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
