Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
