Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
