if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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