Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
