Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
