Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
