I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
