soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
