Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
now i know why i became what i already was.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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