I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
