i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
