I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
