It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
