So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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