he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
smell my finger.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
