have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
