i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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