Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No subtext here. People are naked.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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