worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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